Reflections on turning 29

I recently turned 29, and that birthday got me thinking about my life and the importance we tend to place on our twenties. It is certainly an interesting time of life, it has even been called the “defining decade”. It tends to be a messy, chaotic time when you are trying to figure out your life. It is a time of making mistakes, a time of confusion and uncertainty. 

For me, my early twenties were spent in school—both at university and then graduate school—and everything was very much wrapped up in academia. I feel like that’s an age when you think you know who you are only to look back years later and realize that you had absolutely no idea—and that is not only okay, but part of the beauty of that time. It wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties that I really started to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be. I started to do the things I really wanted to do and stop being so wrapped up in other people’s expectations. And then a pandemic hit, and most of the end of my twenties felt like it got put on pause.

There are definitely many things that I thought I would have done by 30 and a lot that I still want to do. Some of these, I may be able to do in the next year. Others, probably not. And there are still others that I no longer actually want to do at all. As each year goes by, I’m less and less concerned about if I’m “on track” with the timeline we are told we should be on and more focused on just doing the things that I want to do, and doing them on my own timeline.

We get told, especially as women, that we won’t be able to do things past our twenties. We get told that we are considered “old” by 30. That we will never achieve success if we haven’t already settled on the course by 25 at the latest. But that is, of course, entirely ridiculous. So many things can be done later, and, quite possibly, done even better with the additional life experiences that come with age.

If you are reading this and are currently in your twenties, I would like to offer some admittedly unsolicited, but hopefully still somewhat helpful advice: 

Lean into the chaos, take chances, make mistakes, and enjoy this time. But also, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have it all together or to have everything figured out or to even know what it is you want to figure out. Don’t worry about accomplishing certain things on some arbitrary timeline. And don’t put too much pressure on this to be the best time of your life—that will only add to the stress and heartache, and goodness knows we don’t need any more of those during our twenties. Just try to live in the moment, have the experiences you want to have, don’t worry about what other people think, and enjoy the ride.

So here’s to another year, another birthday, another trip around the sun. Here’s to the end of my twenties, taking my own advice, and enjoying every last minute.

xxVivien